This post originally appeared in 2014 as part of our outLoud round up of queer teens’ stories about going home for the winter holidays. The contributor has used first-name only to protect their family’s privacy.
I’m a pansexual sixteen-year-old. I’ve only recently come to terms with and embraced my sexuality. It’s been a difficult thing to do, given my conservative Christian upbringing. Although I’ve come out to my parents and sisters, I don’t usually discuss my sexuality, as it makes my homophobic parents extremely uncomfortable.
Every year around the holidays, we visit my father’s side of the family. I have not come out to any of them. This is the first year that I’m going to be really aware of the fact that if I did come out, they would probably be horrified. When I brought up the issue briefly with my parents, my mother asked if I could just wait until my grandparents are dead first, jokingly saying it “might give my grandfather a heart attack.”
Needless to say, I’m very nervous. I don’t want to make my sexuality a big deal (since it isn’t a big deal), but it makes me uncomfortable knowing that everyone assumes I’m straight unless I make a point of saying I’m not. I don’t know if the subject will come up or how I’ll react if it does. I just know that I’m sick of hiding.
— Commentary submitted by Grace F.