Satire: Donald Trump’s Burn Book (Russia Edition)

Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock lately (and in this depressing news cycle, who could blame you?) you’re aware the there’s an independent investigation underway looking into possible collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia in the 2016 Presidential election. Several of President Trump’s close advisors are under FBI investigation.

There are lots of angle to probe here — secret meetings, sanction-related shadiness, and loyalty pledge pressure that reads like the worst date ever. But whether you’ve been on the pulse of every breaking news update or just casually skimming the major headlines, there’s one more piece of this story that you definitely haven’t seen yet: Donald Trump’s very own Burn Book. Read on to peek inside and see President Trump’s innermost thoughts about the main characters of the Russia scandal (and we’re not trying to be Mean Girls here, but you really should be able to tell this is satire).

James Comey was the former head of the FBI. He was appointed by Barack Obama in 2013, fired by Trump last May. Comey testified that President Donald Trump told him to stop investigating Michael Flynn for collusion.

Michael Flynn was President Trump’s former National Security Advisor. He plead guilty to lying to the FBI about his contact with the Russian government and allegedly attended a meeting with Jared Kushner, Paul Manafort and a Russian ambassador to US to “establish a line of communication” to Russia.

Jared Kushner is Donald Trump’s son-in-law and a senior advisor in the Trump administration. Kushner allegedly ordered Michael Flynn to meet with a Russian ambassador.

Paul Manafort was a political lobbyist who previously worked for Russia and other governments. He served as Trump’s campaign manager from June 2016 to August 2016. Documentation from 2012 shows that Manafort conducted multi-million dollar transactions with Russian interests.

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